so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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