god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
