So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
