I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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