The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
