yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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