i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize