You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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