there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
