You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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