I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize