i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
