i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
