hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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