my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
