What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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