he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
