You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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