was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
