the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All the doctor said was why
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
