No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
