My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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