update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
