literally had 100 drinks last night.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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