i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
