I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
