Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
