I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
