I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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