hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize