I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize