Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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