We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize