i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
