conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
