Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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