we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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