I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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