rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
