He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize