Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
