The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
