No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
