Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
