Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
