She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
