hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So here I am, sexting at work.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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