Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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