new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
