Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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