come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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