so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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