erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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