so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
