you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
