i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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