He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
