I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
