You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
