No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
