Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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