The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
