did you get engaged???
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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