i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
