need another drink. this is the easiest way
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
