ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
