his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
