my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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